You Know You are PCA When…

Ashley, caring OBGYN nurse, blogger at http://ashleybowling.blogspot.com/, and loving wife to Ryan, posted the following on Facebook a week or two ago. I have to confess that I was in stitches the entire time I was reading it. My blog has been a little intense lately so I thought it might be good to “lighten up” for a day. If you are not a member of the Presbyterian Church in America, you may not “get it,” but that’s okay, we all could use a laugh.

 

You know you are PCA when…

 

…your church name has “Redeemer” or “Westminster” or “Covenant” in it.

… you can take exact attendance by looking around to see which rows are empty ….

… in eleventh grade, when you read The Scarlet Letter, everyone thought you were crazy for liking puritan theology ….

… your favorite flower is the TULIP …

… you’re sick of explaining “No, we’re not THOSE Presbyterians, we’re the other ones …

…church Growth Strategy is Infant Baptism

… you’re favorite Knox is not the fort in the USA …

… you’re kinda uncomfortable with the hymn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” …

… you’re definitely uncomfortable with the hymn “I have decided to follow Jesus” …

…you attempt to prove that your Baptist friends are actually Calvinist who don’t/won’t admit it.

…you have to explain your system of beliefs to every (and I do mean EVERY) person even other denominational brothers and sisters in Christ.

…You look in a church freezer, see the ice cube tray labeled with your church’s name, and realize that it’s a great visual for “Frozen Chosen”!

…you prefer shiraz or merlot for your communion, over Welch’s grape juice.

… you always have to explain why Catholic is different than Christian.

…Joel Olsteen is probably at the top of your hit list.

…You have to explain that TULIP is a doctrine straight from the Bible and that it is not something Calvin came up with but rather it is just something associated with his teaching.

…you know that before Calvin there was St. Augustine, and before him was Paul who wrote about 2/3 of the New Testament.

…you can find elect, chosen, and predestined in the Bible- something that non-reformed/Calvinists never knew appeared in the Bible.

… you hear more than 3 verses of Scripture read in service during Lord’s Day worship

…If a song repeats the same line more than 2 or 3 times you begin to tune out.

… a pastor begins to give you 7 steps toward (fill in the blank) and you think about walking out.

…Most people in your church would probably starve rather than go out to eat on Sunday

…You understand why we say that Abraham is our father

…your services seem to take longer on luncheon days and it doesn’t help that the kitchen is incredibly close to your sanctuary.

…you have ever thrown punches about Federal Vision.

…you changed “I have decided to follow Jesus” to “I never wanted to follow Jesus” (and this has been done).

…You believe buying books should be the third sacrament.

…You get dirty looks from your teachers when you tell them that the text book does not correctly represent the history of the Christian Church.

… You celebrate Reformation Day instead of Halloween.

…You meet Rick Warren, tell him that he’s a modern day Charles Finney. He takes it as a compliment… you meant it as an insult.

…when people ask you who writes the best worship music, you are likely to reply with the names of Watts, Newton or Cowper

…you have named, or have thought about naming, your child after a theologian or hymnwriter, e.g.: Calvin, Knox, Martin. (If anyone names their child after Augustus Toplady, you get extra points.)

…you know that Indelible Grace is not just a theological term.

…When your hear a free will baptist say “we love spurgeon, but not Calvin” it becomes incredibly difficult to hold a straight face.

…you can predict the reactions of people when you tell them your theological background.

…when you hear the doctrines of the PCUSA something short circuits because you can’t comprehend the existence of a liberal presbyterian.

…Calvin and Hobbes has been your favorite comic book ever since you learned that was the title.

…you think that the Pope might possibly fit the characteristics of the anti-christ while at the same time believe the anti-christ is all around you in every form of heresy

…your friends almost never win a theological “debate” with you

…you have to end a debate because the opposition is A) starting to cry B) beginning to fall into anger or C) both a and b

…you attend the installation of a new TE or the particularization of a new church, and seeing all those guys up there in black robes makes you think of the Jedi Council.

…you know exactly what a TE is, as opposed to an RE.

…Sometimes you feel like Christ’s last name is “Alone”

…you know the difference between the catholic church and the Catholic Church.

….you never knew you were raised as an Armenian until you became a Calvinist.

…You think A Mighty Fortress is Our God should be sung at baseball games instead of the national anthem.

…You have 4-8 children.

…You own at least one set of the Lord of the Rings.

…You think that things are getting better, even after the last presidential election, and that the Kingdom will beat back the gates of hell no matter what the UN and Obama decide…

…You look around church and count the children in other people’s families, and are unhappy to discover: you DON’T have the biggest family in church!…

…After noting yours isn’t the biggest family in church, you go home to do “further research” to rectify the situation….

…You actually covet the 15 passenger vans at the airport, and wonder when you can get one…

…you have to explain to your Baptist friends that “Elder” doesn’t necessarilly mean “Preacher”…

-Taken from a discussion in the Presbyterian Church of America (PCA) group.

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2 Comments

  1. Ashley said,

    April 16, 2009 at 4:08 PM

    awesome! thanks for the link to my blog.

    • cliftonr said,

      April 16, 2009 at 4:18 PM

      Your welcome…I was hoping that you wouldn’t mind me “stealing” something for my blog that you had “stolen” from another. ;^)

      We are thrilled that you and Ryan are a part of RPC.


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